Breaking Open

The poem is a reflection of what I witnessed within a cluster of days from the stream of lives that passed through the confluence of the hospital. One person was suicidal because they had no housing and took refuge in the waiting room. Another had a long history of incarceration and a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder; knowing only how to scream for help yet felt deeply vulnerable. Another was delirious from failing kidneys and had to be restrained for emergent dialysis in order to save their life. Two laid quietly from gun shot wounds within the glowing light of the overhead lamps - looking closely at the open wounds of violence in America. Another came to the hospital seeking help but refusing all the help we offered; a common occurrence when the hybrid system of human and machine is only half-loved by those betrayed by the structures of society yet still seek refuge in the living compassion of those that work there. There is always an overlighting grief and hope in the emergency room; its a space that holds hard truths and amplifies the felt anguish that is forgotten and silenced by a world that doesn’t listen.

I cant take your medicine

I cant talk right now

I am fighting the restraints but I am not fighting you

I want to kill myself because I have nowhere to go

I only want the love I get when I scream for it

Being here and being everywhere - I have no place so everywhere is my place

We bounce back when you discharge us because the sun casts long shadows

The world is cold, unkind and filled with closed doors

Your door is open

Can you fault us for finding our way when we are lost?

Can you hear our screams?

I need your love but I hate your hospital

I need your heart but I am betrayed by my body

I am broken so I break open your doors